Seconds Out Round One of the new Flat Campaign – weekend tips

It begins with D and is a sought after worldwide holiday destination, awash with money and beautiful women, fast cars and the latest cutting edge developments.

It’s also where you can catch one of the great moments of the Flat season live on Channel 4 this weekend, and I’m already there ladling on the Hawaiian Tropic and looking forward to turning up at the recently redeveloped course in flip flops.

That’s right folks, while Mike Cattermole and Emma Ramsden slum it in Dubai describing events at the World Cup for viewers across the UK and Ireland, I’ll be back where it ended in November for the start of the new Flat campaign – it’s Lincoln day at Doncaster.

Despite seeing prospective residents fleeing the scene of a new housing complex in horror last time I visited the South Yorkshire town I’m confident the aforementioned descriptions are absolutely 100% valid.

Why not take the kids for a fortnight in July and see for yourself?

I think the Catt was trying to put a brave face on it when I saw him at Cheltenham last week, cheerily waving and saying he was going home to pack for Dubai and to ‘have a great time in Doncaster guys’. To be fair it was a good effort at masking his raging jealousy. Poor bloke.

Luckily for anyone attending Donny or Meydan tomorrow my braindead acquaintance Lord Culcheth has been invited on a stag do in Wales and won’t be going racing anywhere.

Apparently the groom is wild on trains, so they’re spening a few quality hours at Llandudno Junction catching all the latest arrivals and departures such as the 13.12 to Wrexham, 14.12 to Wrexham, 15.12 to Wrexham, 16.12 to Wrexham etc.

Feel free to e-mail in and make any observations about his activities should you be enduring a quiet day in the office. For example there may be a pattern to those times but I can’t spot it.

Once they’re done with those adrenaline pumping activities they’re erecting a tent on a campsite at Rhyl and heading out for a boozy night, hunting a different species of cougar to those normally targeted by the noble Lord at Marilyn’s nightclub in the town.

Disturbingly Lord Culcheth has revealed details of this new breed by stating his intention to return home with a Welsh Rarebit cougar on his arm.

Frankly I’ve no idea what that means, but if you’re in the area why not pop along and see for yourself, maybe even attempt to buy the groom a drink before he’s attacked by the bouncers and/or locals.

Lord Culcheth has done a fair bit of boxing in his time, but I don’t fancy his chances against a fired up mob chanting the lyrics to Men of Harlech.

Anyway, before my Bulldog Editor applies a metaphorical size 10 Air Max to my solar plexus it’s time for this weekend’s tips:

At Donny in the season opening Spring Mile (2.00pm) I like the look of Mike Murphy’s consistent seven-year-old Benandonner to gain his first win since December’s impressive Lingfield claiming victory.

The winner of a Shergar Cup mile in 2007 (when in the care of Richard Fahey) this has been a real fun horse to be involved with over the last four seasons, and although he lost his way in the latter part of 2009 (ending up running in claimers) I’m hoping a switch of stable and a return to a course where he has proven form can spark a revival.

A vital sign came in this very race two years ago when he ran second to Don’t Panic from an identical stall (plum draw 1), nearly identical mark (89 then 90 now) and similar going.

A pair of narrow seconds at Lingfield on his last two starts (both for his new stable) have advertised his well being, and Murphy shrewdly puts up Andrea Atzeni who takes off a very valuable 3lbs.

Benandoner always seems to run well at this time of year, has bags of experience in big field handicaps and got the draw they all wanted.

He looks well worth backing each way at 12/1 with either Totesport or Stan James.

The opener at Kempton (2.20pm) is a 6f conditions race and looks to be a shootout between Elnawin and Tiddliwinks.

Despite being officially rated 2lb inferior Jimmy Fortune’s mount gets the nod with his chief market rival having been out of action since last May.

Tiddliwinks has been using his time more industriously, winning four of his last five and looking like a horse going places in the process.

Given that two of those wins were course and distance romps at Kempton there’s no way I can desert him now.

Finally, over the sticks at Stratford another horse who’s been in rude health of late and can keep a winning sequence going is Sean Curran’s Ray Mond.

To say this creature may not be the easiest of rides is probably more than a slight understatement, but new tactics of blasting off out in front and giving his moderate opponents the slip has worked handsomely recently, resulting in wins at Southwell, Leicester and Fontwell.

He seems to go on any surface except concrete (if the tapeta track doesn’t work out at Meydan perhaps they’ll install it there) and shouldn’t have too much to fear from his rivals despite being up in class to a 0-105 handicap.

Good luck!

Saturday’s best bets:

2.00 Doncaster – William Hill Spring Mile (Handicap) – 4 Benandonner (each way) @ 12/1 with Totesport & Stan James

2.20 Kempton – williamhill.com – Poker Conditions Stakes – 5 Tiddliwinks (win)

3.30 Stratford – Lew Barclay Bookmakers Handicap Chase - 4 Ray Mond (win)